3 praktische stappen om je zelfkritiek te beheersen.

“Ach, da’s te moeilijk voor mij”
“Dat houd ik nooit vol”
“Nee, ik ben een ramp in de keuken”

Iedereen hoort zichzelf wel eens zoiets zeggen. We vinden het normaal. In plaats van te zeggen dat we ergens goed in zijn, verkiezen we onze prestaties te minimaliseren.

Maar waarom eigenlijk? Het is toch nergens voor nodig.

Hieronder een paar tips hoe je deze negatieve zelfbeoordeling wat kan temperen.

PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay

Word je bewust van die negatieve praat.

We zijn het zo gewoon dat we er op den duur niet meer bij stilstaan. Het wordt een gewoonte.
Je moet je er weer bewust van worden dat je het doet. Elke keer als je jezelf iets negatiefs hoort zeggen, maak je een mentale notitie, een klikje in je herinnering.
Doe dit eens gedurende een week. Je zal ervan versteld staan hoe dikwijls je die negatieve weg opgaat.

Probeer uit te zoeken waar die negativiteit vandaan komt.

Tijdens de tweede week ben je je al meer bewust van die slechte gewoonte. Nu is het de bedoeling dat je probeert te begrijpen waarom je zo handelt.
Wat geeft de aanleiding ? Er is immers altijd een reden.
Het kan soms iets subtiel zijn als een lichte frons van je gesprekspartner.
Of een verontschuldiging van jou kant, nadat je eerder per ongeluk een fout maakte. Omdat je te bescheiden bent en daarom liever zegt dat het eigenlijk je ding niet is.

Denk rationeel na over de negatieve zelfbeoordeling

Je bent je al bewust van de negatieve zelfbeoordeling, je begrijpt hoe het ontstaat….nu is het nodig om het te rationalizeren.
Je kijkt in de spiegel en je haar ziet er wat onverzorgd uit, maar ben je daarom de lelijkste persoon die er rondloopt?
Natuurlijk niet. Negatieve zelfbeoordeling is van nature uit al irrationeel.

Denk rationeel. Het is niet meer dan het is.

Denk positief.

Probeer die negatieve gedachten eens om te zetten. Denk aan de positieve eigenschappen die bij je horen.
Ben je geen keukenprinses ?
–>Denk dan : ik kan enkel simpele dingen klaarmaken, maar ik werk wel proper en ordelijk.
“Ik ga nooit met dat programma kunnen werken.”
–>Zeg tegen jezelf : iedereen hier op kantoor kan ermee werken. Waarom ik dan niet.

Betrap jij jezelf er wel eens op negatieve zelf-praat ? In welke situatie?
Wat doe je ertegen ?

Laat een commentaar na. Dit kan je onderaan het artikel doen.
Bedankt!

By Ingrid V.

Creatieve 1000-poot en freelance trainer met interesses als GTD, productiviteit, persoonlijke ontwikkeling, management, blogging, technologie,

49 comments

  1. Belangrijk in een positieve houding is
    – aanvaarden dat je niet in alles moet uitblinken
    – beseffen dat je enkel dat moet (bij)leren wat je echt wil of echt nodig hebt en alvast daarop focussen
    – een beslissing doordacht nemen en je dan vergeven mocht het toch blijken de foute te zijn… bij het nemen van die beslissing heb je goed overwogen en geoordeeld dat het de juiste zou zijn, indien niet… wie niet waagt, niet wint ! En neem dan een andere beslissing.

  2. Zelfkritiek van deze soort is aangeleerd. De negatieve ouder van vroeger is geïnternaliseerd. De liefhebbende, voedende ouder is minder of misschien zelfs niet of nauwelijks in jezelf aanwezig/ontwikkeld omdat je het vroeger voor je ouder(s) nooit goed genoeg kon doen of omdat ze je nooit positieve aanmoediging gaven. Onder invloed van de vroegere negatieve ouder is je aangepaste kind ontstaan dat al die irrationele gedachten heeft over wat het niet kan of over hoe het door hard werken en alles zelf doen controle moet houden. Uitingsvormen van een dergelijke persoonlijkheidsontwikkeling (waarin de kritische ouder en het aangepaste kind een te groot deel van de volwassene in je persoonlijkheid hebben ingenomen) zijn bijvoorbeeld de perfectionist, de helper en de faalangstige. Door jezelf voor te stellen wat een/jouw voedende ouder zou zeggen of doen in een situatie waarin je het jezelf moeilijk maakt met zelfkritiek, kun je leren om je kritische ouder de mond te snoeren. Deze voedende, milde ouder spreekt je natuurlijke, vrije kind aan dat weet wie je bent, wat je kunt, wat je wilt en wat je fijn vindt en wat niet. In andere woorden, lief zijn voor jezelf! En als het jezelf niet lukt, betekent lief zijn voor jezelf hulp vragen. Je hoeft het echt niet allemaal zelf te kunnen. Soms is het heel fijn als iemand(een professional) tijdelijk de rol van voedende ouder op zich neemt tot je het zelf te pakken hebt.

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